The Sasquatch Journal

Notes from the seats of the Cubs’ thrilling 5-4 win against the Brewers in Wrigley Tuesday - which was hands down the best baseball game I’ve ever seen in person. You had it all, a perfect night temperature-wise, a game in mid-September that helps decide a pennant race against a local rival, two All-Star pitchers on the mound, two good offenses, you had the big hitters getting big hits, clutch pitching, a spectacular catch in the outfield, 9^th inning drama where the count goes to 3-2 with two outs, two men on in the bottom of the ninth and the team’s closer has a showdown with (arguably) the team’s best power hitter. And best of all, you had a Cubs win.

Other observations and anecdotes:

-During the pre-game ceremony honoring Carlos Zambrano for his no-hitter two nights ago, the presenter noted that Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich had declared that night “Carlos Zambrano Day.” The millisecond that the governor’s name was announced, people started booing like crazy, threatening to drown out the rest of the words. Quick, name a popular Illinois politician whose first name doesn’t begin with the letter “O”. Ol’ Rod might be less popular than Hurricane Ike at this point.

-And Zambrano proceeds to throw out the first pitch, which begs the question, is he the best ceremonial first pitcher ever? Too bad he didn’t throw a 98 MPH heater over the plate, but we’ll take the high Eephus pitch.

-Prince Fielder is one of my favorite players because I have a real weakness for fat guys who play professional sports – John Kruk, Oliver Miller, Khalid El-Amin, Charles Barkley and late period alcoholic Shawn Kemp – I loved them all. And God Bless Prince Fielder because even if he gave up meat during the offseason and lost 20 pounds, he still looks like a fun fat guy wearing Brewers pajamas. God, he’s so cute I want a plush version so I can hug him all day.

Wait a sec, I forgot how fat C.C. is too. Somehow I bet C.C. and Prince do not sit on the same row during the team’s chartered flights.

Hey, it's still not meat, right Prince?

-Alfonso Soriano is much maligned in Chicago because he gets paid too much, is a poor fielder and a streaky hitter, but I can’t think of many athletes I’d rather watch. His swing is a thing of beauty when he hits like the first pitch double he smacks off C.C. “Pitching Factory” Sabathia.

-I don’t get why 16-year old girls go to the baseball games. The giggly duo sitting next to me are spending 60 percent of the time text messaging and another 30 percent taking random pictures of themselves to send via texts to their friends. The dark haired, pouty lipped tart sitting to my left is so fast at flinging open her phone and texting, it’s like she’s the Doc Holliday of Verizon. I happen to sneak and peek at a couple of her messages and they’re hilarious…She sends a picture of herself to a guy and the guy responds..

“I luv UR new hair, it makes u look dark and mysterious, but not in a goth way! So cute!”

She responds simply “Yaright.” Apparently “Yeah, right” has been somehow combined into one word for 16-year old girls. I want to weep.

-New Brewers manager Dale Sveum comes out to argue a close double play call that costs the Brewers a run either that or to explain again to the umpires how exactly they spell his name. It’s pretty amazing to me that the Brewers’ brass fired the old manager Ned Yost during a pennant race with two weeks left in the season. It’d be like firing a movie director right before the closing credits of his newest film. How pissed would you be?

-Right before Prince Fielder comes out to bat in the sixth inning against Ryan Dempster, I told my friend Rachael “I have a bad feeling about this…he might do something here.” Three pitches later, Fielder nearly tears the cover off the ball and it flies somewhere on the street over Wrigley Field. Since I have Fielder on my fantasy team, I have mixed feelings about this… “Fantasy Dong!” I yell with half-conviction. Hey, the Cubs are still winning, right?

-Soriano answers with a juicy dong of his own. An inning later, Prince hits another! Needless to say, I love big dongs.

-I don’t get why Kerry Wood’s entrance music to come out and close a game is “Welcome to the Jungle.” It’s a park, not a jungle, and wasn’t Axel writing that song about Los Angeles? Kerry Wood is about as L.A. as Joe Biden.

-This is the kind of situations that makes baseball so awesome. A man on first and third, a one run game, and Kerry Wood versus Prince Fielder to decide it. The crowd is going crazy while pitch after pitch is fouled back. Even the 16-years old have momentarily stopped texting. Finally Wood strikes Fielder out looking on a crazy 80-MPH “slurve” pitch. CUBS WIN!