The Sasquatch Journal

For me it's harder to get into the Halloween spirit in L.A. because:

1. I'm used to late October *feeling* like fall...brisk or cold out, leaves turning colors and falling to the ground. Here in 70 degree land it doesn't even feel like Halloween season.

2. L.A. is sort of in a state of eternal Halloween. A few weeks ago I saw a mime in full makeup and beret driving a Volkswagen. The week before that I saw a chick in all black and vamp makeup looking like Elvira. She gave me a look like....yeah, I know I look like a freak but
that doesn't mean you should stare at me.

But I guess I definately hit adulthood at the right time in that it's become perfectly acceptable for adults to dress up for Halloween and not feel socially retarted. If one person does, they are crazy, if everyone does it it's an event. I haven't decided if this is necessarily a positive thing for America.

Now for a little story time....

Everyday for the past two weeks I ride my bike to and from work past a ordinary house in an ordinary quiet neighborhood on Oak Street (about a block and a half from my apartment) where the Halloween decorations grew more and more elaborate and gratuitous as the days went on.

At first a full-sized skeleton (Not real though...I think) hung crucified from a wooden cross in the front door but that was soon changed to a skeleton with both arms extended in the air from a wooden pole. Apparently it's in bad taste to have a crucified skeleton in your front yard but not a skeleton hanging from a pole in a normal execution style. Later they added a custom made tombstone with a leafy grave area, a man hanging from a tree with a noose around his neck, and some sort of zombie creature that resembled "Eddie" from the cover of Iron Maiden albums holding a decapitated head. A few nights ago, my roommate Chris and I walked by the scene and heard a strange noise that was akin to someone peeing in a metal toilet. Upon closer inspection, we found that it was a reddish liquid pouring from its neck into a bucket. Cute.
I kept expecting Tom Hanks via The Burbs to come out of the house at any time.

Last night I happened to drive past the house and it had become a full-fledged haunted house. Smoke was covering yard like a thick fog and lighting and sound effects made it seem like it was storming. I actually half jumped when a peal of "thunder" struck along with a bright flash from some strobes. It was like some sort of surreal suburban haunted house.

So when I got back home...I felt compelled to see what the deal was with this place. I nonchantly strolled up and followed a pair decked out in a elaborate clown costumes who had just gotten there via taxi. As I made my way to the sidewalk in front of the yard, the skeleton's eyes began to glow bright green and its jaws lurched forward. "Welcome to your doom!" it cackled as the thunder again reverberated. This was impressive.

Apparently there was some sort of motion sensor or series of lasers that activated the animatronics because the ground in front of the headstone starting shaking and the man who was hung from tree grunted and convulsed suddenly. A zombie also emerged from an empty grave. Two signs hung from a pole read "Enter at your own risk" and "Private...barbed wire fences" or some such.

I didn't know what would happen if I strolled down the dark tunnel leading to the backyard, but decided to risk it anyway. There was a long piece of ridged plastic on the ground, probably to indicate that someone was walking down the tunnel. A few feet after I entered the tunnel, a hockey masked knife wielding psycho popped out of the wall and laughed menancingly. A few short steps later a giant spider hissed towards me via a cable from the ceiling and stopped several inches from my head.

Not knowing what to expect next, I took a step out of the tunnel and found myself...at a private costume party! That's right, I had stumbled upon the sight of about 50 to 70 different thirty to fortysomethings decked out as grotesque killers, pop culture figures and pirates, and animals...and of course sexy pop culture figures, sexy pirates and sexy animals - many of them drinking and/or highly intoxicated.

Oops, I thought to myself. Now what? I didn't know if I should just walk out the way I came because of all the elaborate tricks inside of the tunnel. I didn't want to screw anything up or run into people coming in from the other way. Thus, I just sort of looked around and scoped out the situation. Several couples and men talking very loudly laughed as a animatronic man strapped in a faux electric chair convulsed as sparks flew from his body. A seperate "room" in the backyard contained several people sitting on couches watching a horror movie on a 50 inch plasma TV. A couple people watched a black and white monitor that viewed cameras directed at the front yard. Most of the people were seated on the deck or milling about that area - flirting, talking, all the regular stuff people do at a party.

Since I was wearing my blue hooded sweatshirt and grey dress slacks I was feeling just a bit out of place. So I did what any normal person would of done in the same conundrum, I put my hood over my head to play the role of a "costume." Yeah, I realize how dumb that sounds and I felt pretty dumb. But that didn't stop me from walking over and grabbing a drink under the pretences of ingratiating myself to the party and acting like I semi belonged.

However, a random guy nearby wearing a buccaneer outfit made eye contact with me and said "Hey, what's your deal?" in an offhanded friendly way referring to my costume or lack thereof. "I'm a disgruntled emo kid," was all I could think of. "What?" he asked puzzledly. "Never mind," I mumbled as I began to walk away towards the tunnel. I had to get out of this weird party that probably cost thousands of dollars to put on.

So, I slowly trudged back down the tunnel as the spider and the hockey mask killer again popped out. Then as several people stood in front of yard, I bolted as fast as I could away from the place. Unnecessary? Yes. But also cathartic. I crashed a private haunted party and lived to tell about it.